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Where’d everybody go? (Part 2)

Here’s the deal, in order for me to gain what I need to out of these posts, I have to be honest, and that includes exposing my own failures and faults, as well as my perception of others. In no way do I intend to shame, bully, or harass anyone. Again, we are talking about my perception, not necessarily reality. Naturally, this type of discussion will make some people uncomfortable, whether it is out of concern for me and my well-being, or the overall impact of telling my story, I want to stress that I am not looking for attention where it doesn’t belong, but I do want people understand what it’s like to live with this disease which includes physical and emotional details that are not easily discussed in an open format. Other than creating a deeper understanding of what someone with MS is going through, I do not want to alter my existing relationships or put a task upon anybody to “fix it” for me.

I think after a 2+ year hiatus, this is the best place to start. If you haven’t read the initial post from 2016, you might want to check it out before continuing with this one. If you don’t want to go back, here’s a quick synopsis of the original: I dealt with some difficult situations during the first few months of my diagnosis, one of them being a huge argument with one of my dearest friends in the entire world and it devastated me. Being wrapped up in my own issues, I could not see her point of view, nor could I fathom that she may be in as much pain as I was in because “she didn’t have MS”. I know it’s a pretty selfish way to think, but I had never dealt with such a life changing issue and I was not focused on how my behavior would affect others, nor did I consider others feelings as much as I should have. I do not blame myself for this, mainly because it’s not healthy, but also, I was absorbing a lot of information and I simply did not have the capacity to look beyond my own immediate needs. The original post explains how I felt at the time, and I’ve considered deleting it; however, that would not be a true reflection of the process and I do hope that others can learn from my journey, including mistakes I’ve made along the way. The bottom line is that at the time of writing the original post, I did not imagine that my feelings were temporary.


Before I move on, there is one big development that must be addressed first. I will absolutely cover this thoroughly in a future post, but I want to at least partially explain it here because the evolution of the main relationship is pivotal to the event itself. This past November, I almost died, literally, not dramatically. As it turns out, I have Type 1 Diabetes which is also an auto-immune disease (apparently they travel in groups of two or more). I was unaware of this and went into Diabetic Ketoacidosis which, in laymen’s terms, means your blood turns acidic and poisons your organs. It is every bit as horrific as it sounds and again, the full story will be told in a future post.


Upon being released from the hospital, I was feeling very emotional. I wanted to reach out to my friend and found the opportunity one night about two weeks later. We had engaged in brief conversations here and there over the last two years, but as is always the case with this particular person, the universe kept pushing us back together. So, I sent her a humorous text about a person we both know and from there it was like we were right back in the swing of it. We made plans to have one of our famous “wild and crazy” nights out the following weekend and we did exactly what we always have done, drove around for hours, talking shit while both laughing and crying. It was a perfect night, one I hadn’t had since before being diagnosed with MS. We’ve talked off and on after that, again, like we had not skipped a beat in two years. We even ran into each other during separate weekend trips at a resort about 100 miles from home (again, universal shit happening here) and we were able to spend 2 days hanging out and talking even more. I cannot stress enough how valuable this relationship is to my well-being, and I’m grateful that it has been rekindled. I like to believe that somehow, the universe knew that we needed a temporary break, so we didn’t do any permanent damage to our friendship. Certain relationships are like a marriage, you love each other more than you did in the beginning, and you work hard at fixing the things that are not working. My friend and I still have work to do, to think otherwise is foolish, but (I believe) we are committed to staying in each other’s lives until we’re even bitchier old women than we are now.

So, here we are. Again, there is so much more to cover, and I look forward to doing so as often as possible. I think I mentioned that I have several drafts in the works and while I don’t want to commit to an exact time frame at this point, it will definitely be more than once every two years, ha! In the meantime, checkout the store, I’ve designed some fun things (t-shirts, stickers, buttons, etc.) and if you want to send feedback, feel free to do so in the comments section, or via email: losingmybrain2ms@gmail.com


Thank you for reading!

-Tiffany

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